She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. I bet theres either something from you, or shes hiding a big lie. Her 90-year-old mother lives with us, and I love her like my own mom. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. I am very sexually frustrated and a different Danish upbringing with a healthy attitude. Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! Indifferent withholders like my wife NEVER get better and their partners either leave or become bitter! Needless to say, both of us are feeling a renewed awareness of who we were and now are. Open a conversation with your wife about how she's feeling about you and the marriage, big picture, and go from there. We havent had sex in months. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. I suggested just me doing him and he close his eyes and touch me nope. our sense of what is expected . Best to all. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. Learn how your comment data is processed. He is correct, the therapists want you to have hope so they can have the clients, I spent plenty on it and made numerous loving conversations. Emotional connection is the starter and it is counterproductive if her man is resentful or walking around with head down and needy. My beliefs are that I cannot step outside my marriage and commitment and it cost me some very good relationships with other women. Lets separate then.NO! This whole situation sucks for all of us. 1. Pls look this up to see if this is you. It breaks my heart because we are so happy together in every other way, but I need the physical intimacy and to be desired and sex is something I enjoy and I feel like he is withholding it. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. I just dont understand. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? I happen to like the situation I created and I will never change it. He (so far) said no. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. We dated for 30 years and finally got married. Foreplay isnt just in the bedroom before sex. That may not be possible. So, heres what I did. I told her that men my age generally took longer to orgasm and for sex to be mutually enjoyable, we both needed to have pleasure. I am male. We men are not brain dead. My wife avoids spending time with me. If this is a real concern for you then ask yourself was there ever any infidelity or cheating on your part? You can gently bring up that you want to keep prioritizing your sex life together so your wife understands how you feel and so you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. After all of that, the thought of intimacy at night becomes almost like another chore, says Gopa. If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). I ask why she said it is just how it is. The females in my family have unusually strong sex drives. There are always two sides to a story, and I dont want to paint her as an uncaring wife. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. Please keep your eyes open for signs she is interested in someone else, such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. But no sex. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. Yow..I am a 32 year sober alcoholic and thought I had a slight case of ED..but the mens clinics determined thats not the case..its the flat and lifeless attitude I am getting from my wife that kind of keeps things limp. My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. Cheating is easy and you deserve it . I have never, nor will I ever cheat. Sh. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. You can be in a marriage without sex. Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. She said that I can take care of myself in the shower and that is just fine with her. I have suffered from severe sexual dysfunctions all my life, since I started having sex as a teen. He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. Am I undesirable? Its only going to get worse. I did some self searching and recognized that the marriage had been one of convenience and the love wasnt there for me. Its a bummer most times. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. High blood pressure This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. Even worse, because Im larger than average, she can no longer handle my penis even if she wanted to. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. interested in sex as they grow older but I find that to be true of men as well at least in the case of my husband! Youd do things her way, when she wanted it, or else its divorce rape in the courts. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. If they need get that only from you, so be it. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. nuff said. 2 children later sex was still fun. If the husband happens to be insensitive, it ruins the relationship. I have spoken to my wife several times. Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. . You ever think about getting some on the side? My wife is an alcoholic so mood swings are often. Seriously? both my parents are senior. But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. . Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. I am free to masturbate without hiding it, just dont ask for sex, ever. Should I let him go elsewhere? Yes, we are accused of such, and rightly so quite often; but, no, we are sentient, thinking human beings. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. It seems a waste in the end. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. I wouldnt even care if he watched or joined. Sex for men is like passing gas or eating: its just a physical thing that needs to get done. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. I can offer a small piece of advise. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. Just as women receive and need emotional connection, men provide a different way of showing their connection to their woman. Here is the rub though. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. The difference is that men feel selfish and entitled, as if sex is only for their pleasure, something women do for them, hence the phrase put out. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. Its one less thing to think about or do. We were both virgins when we married. That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. No intimacy!!! After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. My (50m) wife (48f) and I had a great sexual relationship for most of our marriage. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. If you love him why cant you help him be happy a few times a week I dont get that part, it is just a little bit of your time and you could set all the rules or boundaries of what you are and are not willing to do. Says I dont turn him on Im to fat. I also recognize he has no intentions of changing. Its worth discussing with your doctor. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. "Not everyone needs emotional connection for sex to be great, but in long-term relationships, the lack of connection can be a huge factor in a person's desire to have sex with their partner," psychologist Margaret Paul, Ph.D., writes at mbg. /** Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. unless you feel he is better then nothing. Life is way too short! * He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. Think back to the time when you were dating. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. While men often connect to their wives through physical intimacy, a wife needs a mix of physical arousal and, Love Hormones Unraveling the Veracity of the Science of Love. Shes my buddy. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. I set up a Revenge cheat. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. Hey Mike, I dont think you need a woman, I dont think drugs and orgasm are the best ways to deal with the pain dealt to you by the tragic loss of your loved one. It may be helpful for her to speak with her doctor about her struggles with libido, if relevant, to see if an adjustment in her treatment plan may help. Talk with your husband about sexual fantasies he has or things he may want to try in the bedroom. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. She even went from sleeping naked in bed to full pajamas and on the rare occsion she would have sex to me, remove only her panties like a robot. Like Nike says, just do it. That partner has truly not kept theur vow, but have managed to put us in a moral quandary. First few years sex was great. Yet she constantly professes love. But after years without, I cant help but fantasize about past experiences, which makes me feel SO guilty. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one.