Rachel Im sure everyone on this site will concur that most partners who leave think about it for years before doing it. I just want her back.. My husband left me about 19 years ago we were best friends for some years but when we got married he walked out on me I had broken my leg and was using cruches to get around he left me when I needed him the most I dont know why he left me he never tried to find me to explain hisself or why he did what he did nothing bad happened between us I cant seem to get pass this I think about what he did to me everyday and nite for the past 19 years I have been emotionaly upset over this and dont know what to do i just want answers. So cold, so heartless and has absolutely zero consideration for me. do you think this relationship will last? Open the door," said my dad. He will probably wake up in a few years and regret this selfish act and damaging decision. I am confused. They CAN modify with proper treatment and overcome IF they are willing to work their treatment regime. Its about being happy and greatful for what you have not what you dont getting frustrated because you cant get your own way and wanting to destroy the other person who at one time you were supposed to love . Do Saturday comes and she calls me. Hes 52 years old.its been 2 months of separation. We talked and decided to give it another try things were great at first l felt like a queen. I have faith in you, I am here supporting your happiness and believe you will find the strength to do exactly what you need to. Meet all your needs for your relationship and pieces of life advice with my articles. Im going through the same although my kids are 9 And 11 years old he told me 2 days after Xmas Im not happy here anymore. Its easy to get trapped in black-and-white thinking, but you will need to expand your concept of the situation to truly heal. Moffa, now 76, had been married 52 years, and . Two of my best friends over the years slept with my boyfriends and just recently after 7 years left after doing nothing short of being there by his side through all his crap. My husband left me after 15 years, and it was purely an ego thing on his part. How can we say such things to each other, and then she goes away with him? Its been hard. I am dealing with being invited to his brothers for thanksgiving. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. Im going through the same thing youre going through. He could turn on a tear and look remorseful but wouldnt answer if I said to him , I can get through anything if I know that you love me he would milk all my tears until we both turned defensive and would turn it round to irritation accusing me of mistrust in doubting him . We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. I'm not more overwhelmed by my life than I was when I was still in my marriage. Thats not a man.. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. Abuse is never okay, and help is available if you are experiencing it. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. Paul W. Paul what did you do to overcome the sadness? I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. Be we can do it. He left me broke. From my perspective your husband saying that he is not happy could mean several things: 1. Any opinions? I see him on occasion for months have passed since we actually exchanged any communication, recently exchange some emails regarding my children who are now a senior in high school and a sophomore in college. I am never able to maintain my anger for any length of time but never the less I am a poor former of words while angry so it is easy for me to see how I may have said something I didnt truly mean My children (we have 2) would always mention and ask what does dad do up there?. Ive been with my wife over 12 years married over 2. A common example would be a major medical illness. 3 grown daughters. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! I thought it was just a phase and didnt think anything of it until I found a phone number of a girl in his wallet. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. Head up love yourself because if you dont how do you expect others to love you and dont beg or say you will do anything or offer to change it will not work . Dont want to share this with anyone hoping he will see sense. I am so sorry this happened to you. And protect yourself because if shes not looking out for you you need to. I cant imagine that devastation. He will go the same thing to someone else- no worries. I am because I see him for who he is and I cannot pretend anymore, and that is a problem. And I continued living this new lie was a real Jekyll and Hyde until I met my wife who had / has a heart of kindness I had never experienced before. She said she was done and was forcing herself to love me. The pain is unbelievable and I am only struggling from day to day. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. We all are animals Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? How to make your ex-boyfriend feel bad for hurting you, Why am I starting to think about my ex again? My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. But I felt like he had used me and that he had only married me to have a life he would otherwise never have had. All those things Ive overlooked for years are very obvious now. I caught her having phone sex with a boyfriend from 40 years ago. Her boss can have her, she will do the same thing to him. Sociopaths goal is take a human being and destroy them down to the bottom of their soul. What hurts the most is She didnt just cheat and come crying back to me, she led a double life for 2 years and left after she was caught. It has now been some time since then and many conversations regarding the relationship not being one where we operated as a couple. With research saying couples lose the Im so madly in love with you spark after 2 years at most, probably lots of couples wind up feeling like companions. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. The emotions change, they do not get easier. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. And I never told her of my past until we started to drift apart sexually after the birth of our second child, which was 6 years into the marriage. It stated a picture from FB showing a conversation between my husband and this girl he use to sleep with. She threatened to kill herself in August in front of our youngest plus in January at her place of work saying she is going to enact her plan sooner. I hate my life and want to knock her new mans teeth out. You are young and will have a bright future Of your. please advice me what to do. What hes actually regretful about is how he left, which means he probably regretted telling you. Please. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, pretending your heart isn't broken, or putting up walls so you don't get hurt again. She chose some other dude. He turned 50 this year and told me he didnt know if he wanted to live with me the rest of his life. Now, your one and only is gone and you're left sitting wondering where everything went wrong and why he left. Think about the parts of Jon that could not be true to Jon because of her. When its over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. He had his stuff, his money his problems. Hey there all. I live by this rule. Ive never heard or read this suggested, but according to my own experience and analysis of it, I think it may have merit. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Also my ex husband stole 25k. Wow. I hate myself and have become a hermit. I dont doubt she cares for you, but you cannot have your cake and eat it too. She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. Our marriage had had its problems but we were so strong we had overcome everything. So it wasnt long after that he became violent. Any youths on how to cope welcome. Oh well, f$%# her! The hits keep coming. After all, youre not weak for feeling this way. My husband left me after 21 years to find his happiness and looking for an emotional connection because we were miles apart. 2. That stayed off the booze with your love and support then started to lie and drink because theyre bipolar. We have a beautiful son together. Failure to taste. Admittedly, infidelity has been a factor over th years with at least 3 incidents in th past with 1 most recent being 6 months into our marriage. Youre not the one on Psych meds, youll be fine. Our two children were grown up and no longer living at home having started their own lives which made me feel even less needed or important in my wife life. What about #6You were just an abusive alcoholic and I was sick and tired of being your punching bag? "No!". Here you'll find all collections you've created before. I hope she stays safe from this very dangerous man. Then he makes late night calls and insult me when ever I tried to talk to him about it. Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Why hasnt society caught up with that? The hole in my chest is so vast. She stayed in the house wanting to go straight from our house to her new one. I thought we had a decent marriage. It was a change. It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. Maybe that was the final straw. If you need help finding a therapist, you are welcome to call us. Last Thursday in anger I took his remaining clothes to his home only to find another woman there preparing him dinner. Two more days pass and today she texts about me packing the house (I am going to lose it) and she is now not retuning until June 30th but not necessarily here as she insists upon a divorce. Unfortunately, theres little we can do about that. Nothing is wrong with you! Only now its for real. In the same boat. I wish you all the best We have always gotten along great,In every way,always had fun together.The good times outnumber the bad. I see its been a week since you wrote this post.. Is he moving out? They got a place July 3. You can search in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. 2. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. Look at the research its madness what people are ending marriages for .The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters . Try mindfulness to break the circle of thought and let it guide you on. These are really dated terms. People are self-centered and do not think of the people they hurt. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. She has quite a few friends and is self reliant. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. I just cant believe its the same person. He probably misses the way things used to be. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. You dont have to be with them forever and ever, but they can help you through this time of your life. I read somewhere that narcsassists will never loose any sleep over our pain . Any suggestions please. The only items I had were a bag of clothes and a computer. Character counts, have some standards that you are not willing to make exceptions on. Marriage values need to be seriously overhauled in this country or lets just start raising our kids to be cheaters and narcissists because thats what everybodys becoming anyway. Wonderful husband. About 8 years in we had a son forcing us to live with her parents on a temp basis (a year!!) He is a best-selling author and shares valuable marriage advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. Good luckto us bothwe will be OK though. This is my second marriage and the pain is horrific.. I saw people that appear to be in other countries on here. I learned all this by looking through texts on my daughters phone. I have no control over their daily lives with her I can only be thankful her parents are so actively involved in her life which she has thus far been able to suck the life out of them to the point I dont think they will last much longer. Yet I feel like he checked out and all I did was serve him, and his needs, but felt like he wasnt there for me. If I don't do what you want, you are unhappy. He said he wanted his life back (by that he means his happy care free go out every weekend life. Here's what the research says on why it happens and how to cope. We were mature, grown ups We did that stuff and left that life long ago?? We didnt argue, had some physical relations which I thought meant she was bisexual. Oh my God. I wish I could meet one of these women in here going through all this pain and sweep them off their feet. Having children does not entitle you to a handicap parking spot., The life I imagined crashed before me and fell to pieces. They might stop eating or eat more to dull the pain. When he left me, my mother was furious . Where are you located? I have faith in you and hopefully me reaching out will help show while there is real evil, there is real good in the world. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. Maybe once I can accept that then Ill start to move on, at least from crying and feeling like I cant and dont want to even get out of bed. Its been a week and everyday I tell her I love her and she never says it back, the week she wanted the separation I had a sezuire and she was right there beside the hospital bed crying and even when we went home she had trouble sleeping wanting to make sure Im was ok then a couple days later boom she leaves me. SHARE this story on Facebook with your friends and family. Hes decided to go and although there will be a lot for me to work through I truly think itll be the best thing. I loved him dearly and I still do, I had resentment built up because he didnt always treat me the best. He would always say. Trying to figure out why your partner left you can become the bane of your existence. We started counseling and the counselor, who he choose, told him he was focused on the wrong things and needed to work on re-connecting with me. Too bad he is having a mid-life melt down. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. He said he left because of lack of communication and the fact that I wasnt listening to him about his health. Now she was gone two weeks and something was different. When I have been upset and called to to him he has been very cold and mean.telling me he hated being in a relationship with hated being a family and so on. Whens it supposed to get better? Im no angel to live with but I always saw us together until the end. We went from 4 to 2 overnight in the household. Definitely start working out. Over time the problems of depression were compounded by more and more episodes of red faced spitting rage. Everything that was me was up in that condo in the almost 20 year relationship we fought hard to create. Yes, I think many people skim the article missing some really relevant information. My wife works commission base in medical field and she is a master manipulator. I want to believe that it is all a nightmare and that she will wake me up any moment and forgive my past Two still reside with us. Im sorry but she has a mind of her own and can make her own mind. This woman they will meet in August is the leader of the activist. She was also getting mess from her primary doctor as well. Now he is living with his parents. It often boils down to one partner no longer filling a perceived need of the other partner. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior. I cried out to him and said, Why are you leaving!? Im so hurt right now I didnt know what I do wrong to deserve this..anyways as youve said people should move on it us very easy to say but when you are in situation is very hard. I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. Hope things are looking up for you. Depression is difficult to combat and resolve alone. No way! That discovery changed my fragile mind even more it made my psychically ill and my immediate thought was that I had caused so much angst with this lovely woman that she changed her values and that that PAIN is what really kills me. All Im saying is people leave for reasons a higher power would probably only know and its our duty as humane emotionally broken individuals to get over that obstacle and be happy it happened sooner than later. I am loosing my home in a few weeks because im disabled and she was the breadwinner. But, believe it or not, research suggests there's a dark side to dieting. I told her actions speak louder than words and ur refusing to talk but abandoning me to leave the state. Yea, meeting otherpeople may be fun for a little while, but coming home to someone who knows you inside out is un-irreplaceable. They may have unmet . I was in shock for months. She tells me that she hasnt cheated on me even tho I have my doubts. I am still here. Her husband barely talked to her. Just make sure you get books that arent full of fluff and nonsense that doesnt mean anything. How do I get thru this pain? ;) Again, terrific article! Encouraging someone to move on because they have lost the spark seems simplistic and almost dangerous. Families dont have to be mother, father, children. A relationship is made of two people that are ready and willing to be a team. The only help anyone can offer is it gets better in time. hi m Jesika m only 20 yrs old n my boyfriend which turns about 34 yrs who is already got married n divorced. I am good to my wife. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. If you loved me he wouldnt of left me. She had agreed that I could have the kids both Friday and Saturday night and bring them back in Sunday as Im sure it suited her quite well and by now I am desperate to see my kids. Is this forum legitimate? Tha t is my hope and prayer. Since he can just drop us like taking out the garbage. Both child services and the police realized the inaccuracies and now I have our son full time. She didnt deserve any of this.. She is also ready to date a friend who I had welcomed into my home. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. She has developed feelings for a woman she works with and cannot walk away from her. In hind site, probably too much. He had over the years became grumpy and this only got worse. I hate being alone. I have no answers.she wont tell me why she left.the only thing she will say is file for divorce. Well I am two weeks over surgery and still at a wait and see state with my husband. Seems life will continue and I appreciate the hope you have instilled through sharing the stories you have all provided. Im saying this to let you know that you are not the only one. I have the greatest respect for those who endure the bad times and work to resolve and remedy their challenges. I dont know what to do anymore. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. Note to self, pay more attention, and get reliable input from friends and family. Next thing I knew, he was upstairs in our house while I was downstairs. I never had a clue and so I could not understand her response. She ignored my calls and texts between then. Never ever ever She was the main person I talked to and let her manage things. He would pick on me for everything in front of the kids. My husband left me and I am wondering how you are feeling? She still has the full to snub her nose to cheaters on tv etc but I cant help feel like she took what we had and made it into the worst jerry Springer show imaginable and shes not even sorry she did it. You worry about getting your head right, and moving on. Any help and opinions would be gratefully appreciated. I just want her to call me & tell me its going to be ok but she is pressing ahead with this divorce in what seems nothing other than an irrational speed. 3. No marriage is perfect.you take the good with bad.and we had alot of good. *they need to take some time for themselves There were no reasons for her to fall out of love with me. We can, for sure, take this as a learning experience about ourselves and our relationship needs. I cry everyday and have been in bed with no desire to do anything. Their loss. I know times have changed and lives have gotten in the way. It's Over. Two months and I dont feel better. Im questioning whether he really knows what love is xo I do. What about when you discover hes gay..by discovering multiple affairs he has had? Thank you so much. At 42 they are prime examples of men going through Mid Life crisis. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. Been married 30 years. Hi I am going through this as we speak. My issue is that once she wants to leave (imminent), he dosent reciprocate and then she comes back what do I do? Anyway, good luck & I wish you the best. Most likely you fell out of love because you decided to stop loving your partner or you decided that you loved someone or something else even more. I would often check in emotionally to make sure things were getting better Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! At the time, my husband was working 14-18 hours a day just to keep food on the table. Once my divorce was finalized, I met someone else myself, however my x then began to use this new person of mine to hide her guilt. What would you suggest in regards to your post that you made some days in the past? He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. I felt like my world was ending and their was nothing I can do to cope with the harsh reality of what just occurred. Falling out of love in a marriage happens over time and is usually due to neglect on the part of one or both partners. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. We had a great time but never had sex. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. Found out that my daughter saw mom stapling $100 bills into $1000 bricks. I knew he was insecure and this got to him, but I never really thought to deep into it until he cheated on me a few weeks ago. When I approached her she didnt deny it. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. WHY?????? He said it shouldnt be more than 2 hours. Ive suspected there is another involved but have no concrete evidence other than intuition & one or two very suspicious epidodes, combined with secrecy from her, as opposed to privacy. I lost 15 lbs. I was a new mother to a 3-month-old baby girl. help me please. She said that she is tired of faking it. I now tell her I wont come over anymore and space away for her when she wont even consider spending even an hour of her time with us. I have spoke with him hundreds of times about sticking together when problems would arise with the girls. I have been divorced for 9 months. And still couldnt find a way to be happy. Next day she goes to Illinois. Tired of the fight. Anyone looking in from the outside would say Im a fool. I found that he had taken my key out of my purse for the car. to save to buy a house. All that matters to him was his daughters I dont blame him after not being. Someone else would have appreciated it and been there with me. The fifth reason I found out about on my own and that was because she was having an affair. She really screwed you. I have worked my butt off to be well. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. Im rattling round the house all alone, crying and pleading all nigt for my wife to come home, I love her so much, She never told me what I was doing wrong. I suspected something was going on with her why she broke and i taught she was seeing someone and maybe this guy from before.. 4. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. Call out to the lord! MGTOW all the way Baby. My experience was so unbelievable that I was in shock, I was diagnosed with PTSD later on. Being in the military I have seen unbelievable atrocities, that others will not believe happened because they dont think it possible. Her tone and her demeanor were so condescending. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. My wife left 11/15/15. I am very close to his family especially his mum and he has said hes very unhappy his mum remains close to my daughter and i. Sorry for your heartache. Part of me thinks shes simply selfish and refuses to work out our problems. And at the time he would be like. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. Looking for some advise,please. I am missing a lot more but this story is long enough as it is. 1. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. My estranged husband wants a divorce after 23 years. Help, Good Therapy!!!! He said he was unhappy for 10 years. Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. Suffering from Depressing and other sickness as gotten worse for me. To this day I am sure she placed them there knowing I was coming. My wife and I have been together every day for 28 years.Married for 24 this Jan 1st and we lived together for 4 years. She makes way more money then I do and she also said I smothered her. I put the number in and he had named her 1 of his work mates. I am going through it myself. And, no, she doesnt want to give it to you, shes buying her way out. Of course, feelings change over the course of a marriageyou are not going to have those sparks flying like you did when you first met. He wont explain this behavior and blames me, acts like he hates me and just has to get our because he cant stand me all of a sudden . Keep your mouth closed at all times. It feels a bit embarrassing to except the money that she wants me to have, but at this time with my current situation, I need it. I continue to find myself everyday, it is a great feeling to get yourself back. I had my stuff, my money, my problems. All rights reserved. Her parents became yet more overpowering towards her and to my kids adding yet more stress. This one has been definitely the hardest for me to deal with. One more thing.. She isnt in love with me anymore.

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